One of my favorite movies came to mind when I first started thinking about how to tell my tale. See, I always associate everything I love with either a favorite movie or song. My cousin calls it the creative part of me, which leads to my story on my love for hips instead of sticks.
Brown sugar… Love and hip-hop perfected in 2000’s cinematography. Sydney speaks to hip-hop culture cultivators about their first encounters with hip-hop only to find out that her love for hip-hop would lead her to the love of her life.
She met her love the day she met hip-hop.
My first female was ironically named Mpumi. She was my neighbour and her younger brother was my age so we all played together. I was in grade 1 or 2, and one day her little brother had just recovered from chicken pocks. I remember we all decided to play ‘house’ so we moved the party to their guest bedroom which had one of those sleeper couches. I don’t really remember many details, but I remember being chosen to play ‘daddy’ while Mpumi played ‘mommy’ and little brother played the adorable son. I remember feeling like the dad. It’s the same feeling I recall every time I had feelings for a girl. I feel like I want to be the head of the family – and not in the stereotypical way.
I want to be the giver, the one who makes you rethink love. Be it a fling or something serious, I always strive to make my partner feel like a Daniel Caesar song does.
I believe my attraction for women has always been there, although I thought I was straight for all my teenage years and early twenties. I’d always rationalize my feelings and say ‘just because I appreciate women doesn’t mean I want to be with them.’ Well… my ignorance was my bliss. I guess I never thought of it beyond the surface.
After breaking up with my first serious boyfriend who I was with for almost three years, I was ready to explore who I really was. I went out a lot more, had more time to myself and now that I was single, I felt like it was okay to explore the thoughts I had about women… beyond the surface now.
I had a big blowout for my birthday, and ended up kissing a high school friend who I had been kinda flirting with the whole night. But that didn’t go anywhere, and as singeldom continued, so did my exploration.
It’s funny how life changes when you start opening yourself up to your heart’s desires. I had been fearful about what liking girls would portray about me or my life. But every question has an answer if you open yourself up to it. I dated both men and women for a while, which was fun (no judgment). It gave me a chance to actually understand sex and how both genders perceive each other’s roles in the bedroom. It also helped me narrow down what I actually liked, what I was willing to tolerate and what I wasn’t. As fate would have it… asking questions got me answers.
After coming out to my mom, I felt more liberated than ever. I was ready for the rest of my life. I felt like a child again. Full of energy, ready to immerse myself in love, the real kind. And like Sydney, my pure intentions led me to who I believe is the love of my life. She gets to have the Boipelo who loves her fearlessly and with a lot of hope of what love holds for our family.